Caring for elderly parents while your kids are still around is called being part of The Sandwich Generation – and it’s hard. I have been in healthcare for over 30 years, but nothing has prepared me for taking care of my mom, who is dealing with cognitive issues.
I recently spoke to Palmetto Infusion’s’ Chrissie Jenkins on a LinkedIn Live about how to cope when a close family member falls ill and needs our help. With her incredible experience as a caregiver, Chrissie points out that no one is prepared for the emotional side of caring for a loved one and that feelings of loss and helplessness are part of the process.
She says, “ It doesn’t matter how much you know; you’re still going to hurt, you’re still going to grieve, and you’re still going to struggle because we’re only human. I think when you decide to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel. You have to allow that grieving process to happen. You can’t deny it.”
And that’s the hard part—not being able to run in and fix things, but just letting things be and trying to accept the situation. My sisters are stronger than I am, and Chrissie says this is normal in families. We all have different ways of dealing with life and must honor our different coping mechanisms.
Chrissie suggests the following:
- Get support – feeling connected to others in a similar situation is another way to ease the emotional burden and access the resources you need to pull everything together.
- Arm Yourself With Knowledge – Find all the information you can, do your research, visit local clinics, and ask difficult questions.
- Ask for Help – she says trying to do it all alone is not a good idea—for you, your aging parents, or your kids. Sometimes, asking for the help you need is the bravest thing you can do.
- Share the load with other family members or your inner circle (if others are willing): I’m so grateful for the time with my mom, and I can’t thank my sisters enough for their strength. My sisters are angels!!!!
How you perceive things is also important. I choose to look at my mom’s situation in the following way. It is a “season”. I “get to” care for her like she cared for me when I was younger. The only rule is there are no rules. What works for my mom may be terrible for yours.
I am saying “no” to things I can defer to later and make Mom more important. It’s the least I can do. Time is the most valuable asset or thing we can give our parents. I don’t want to have any regrets at the end of this season.
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