Do you find it hard to say No?
It took me years to learn the power of this single word. People pleasing never pleases anyone. Especially the people pleaser. This was the case for me.
Over time, I learned to say what I mean without saying it mean. I never wanted to disappoint people so I would say yes to just about anything. I would double-book myself or book appointments so tightly that I was running late or couldn’t enjoy the events I was attending. This led to feelings of resentment.
The problem wasn’t that people were inviting me to things. The problem was ME!! I had to learn how to say NO!
That meant being honest, looking at what I had on my plate, and seeing what was doable and what was not. NO is such a powerful word. It communicates the message so clearly – which is why those two simple letters really are a full sentence.
Being Present
Since learning to say NO, I have reduced my anxiety and increased my focus. More importantly, I can GIVE the folks who have invited me my full attention. I often show up early and get involved. I am now part of the event, rather than behaving like a seagull and just taking the best bits and flying away. There is something magical about being present.
Be Ruthless With The Things That Don’t Matter
I recommend a great book called The Daily Stoic with daily meditations on “Wisdom, Perseverance and the Art of Living.”
The authors Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman suggest being ruthless with the things on your calendar that don’t matter. They quote the wise words of Seneca:
How much of our time are we wasting by taking on obligations because we think we have to be somewhere for others, yet compromise our own time and energy? We end up feeling empty and exhausted, with nothing left for ourselves at the end of the day.
There is always that little voice inside us that asks – “what will people say?” Sometimes the ego tells us that we are so important that an event can’t go without us. What if we will not be missed at all?! It’s important to prioritize what you can and cannot do. You can’t be all things to all people. When you start saying NO, you will realize you are more productive and happier.
Holiday and Hanselman also suggest saying no to certain emotions. They write: “One of the hardest things to do in life is to say “No.” To invitations, to requests, to obligations, to the stuff that everyone else is doing. Even harder is saying no to certain time-consuming emotions: anger, excitement, distraction, obsession, and lust. None of these impulses feel like a big deal, but they run amok. They become a commitment like anything else.”
This was valuable. How often do we let our emotions occupy every waking moment and steal our energy? So, we don’t only need to be vigilant with our arrangements and appointments but also with what is going on in our headspace. What are you obsessing about? Could you choose a different thought that could lead to more peace and time?
Saying YES to things you do want
The authors also point out that by saying NO to commitments that will constrict your life, you can make time to do the things you want. You turn your NO into a YES for yourself and your own time. I love nothing more than a good paradox. That’s why I believe that the word NO is a full sentence.
Use it! I’d love to hear your feedback.
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