I missed the day when life’s coping skills were handed out at kindergarten. Old Gary’s coping skills were as follows: “If the going gets tough, work harder”.
As a result, I was a do-aholic and a workaholic. After hitting rock bottom (as I described in detail in The Success Paradox), I had to learn new coping skills because my old ones weren’t working.
- Start with Intention: I was the guy who woke up with hair on fire. I’d jump in the shower with no time for myself or to eat breakfast, and I’d fly into the office underprepared, come into meetings, and fly by the seat of my pants for the rest of the day. Today, I have a daily routine. No matter what time I’m supposed to wake up, I wake up 30 minutes earlier. I read something spiritual and take about ten minutes to close my eyes, think about what I’ve read, and reflect on the day. I call this – getting out of my own way.
- Lean on your spirituality: My faith plays a role in this morning ritual. I didn’t rely on anybody for anything the first 45 years of my life. But when I looked back, somebody picked me up – without my help. I realized that there is something bigger than me out there. I call it God, and prayer is an important part of my routine.
- Gratitude is a superpower: One of the first things I did after my breakdown was to use a gratitude journal, and I still use it today. It helped me to start enjoying what I had, not wanting more. I also had to permit myself to not be on the treadmill, to not listen to that voice that says you should be working 12 – 16 hours a day. It was very uncomfortable letting go, but writing down the things I am grateful for helps to anchor my day in the present moment.
- Invest in Rest: One of the best things that came out of slowing down has been realizing I am more productive when I take the time to relax. Will and I called this Relaxed Productivity in the book. Now, I ride horses, walk, garden, and do hobbies that I’ve never had in my entire life because I have time for them.
- Bye Bye, Facebook: I limit my time on social media and only really spend time on LinkedIn, and I have professionals to help me with that, too. I realized the way I used social media wasn’t good for me – I would spend hours comparing myself to others, and no matter what I accomplished, there was always someone richer, smarter, and better-looking than me! So, spending fewer hours on social media is healthier, and as a result, I have more time for myself.
- Invest in Giving: I’m also intentional about giving. I spend most days giving back to other people without expecting anything. And the paradox is that I have been more successful since I started that almost seven years ago. And I never dreamed that I would be true.
- Surrender and Forgive (yourself): I also started letting go of the things that no longer served me. Letting go of my old identity. Letting go of this idea that I could only succeed by working ridiculous hours or that I couldn’t make mistakes or let people know that I was vulnerable or scared!
- Who are you in the big scheme of things? I had to redefine myself. I was always a healthcare business person, but I allowed that role to take over my life. My preacher asked me some hard-hitting questions. He said, “Aren’t you a son? Aren’t you a father? Aren’t you involved in the community? Aren’t you friends with a lot of people? So why are you letting that one role in your life take over all those other roles? Because that one role, one day, will be something you don’t do anymore. And those other roles may not be there for you. And that hit home.
So, who am I? I’m Gary C. Cooper – a father of four (I’ve never been more proud of my four children). Kelly and I have been married for almost 28 years.
I invest in myself daily, and as a result, life keeps investing in me.
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